The Wonderful World of Football Morality

I’m sat scratching my head, wondering whether there were any stories of late in the world of Football. I’m vaguely aware of something called the World Cup and seein as football isn’t exclusively American I presume it hosts teams from all round the world!

Bar that everything else seems quiet? No?

Of course, I jest, I’m fairly sure Rigel 7 is bored of hearing the name Luis Suarez by now. So I thought, why not add my spin? So here goes with the disclaimer: IN NO WAY DO I CONDONE HIS ACTIONS, AM I SEEKING TO DEFEND HIS ACTIONS; HE HAS BEEN A WALLY AND DESERVES TO BE PUNISHED.

Sorry to capitalise that, but in a world where 140 characters is king I don’t want to be misunderstood and accused of being an apologist or whatever the current buzz put down word is. Rather than ramble specifically on Suarez I though that I would skip gaily down the long and winding road of footballing and sporting morality to try and make sense of it. One thing to say from the off, as sure as night follows day and pizza is the food of the Gods, morality is guaranteed to hypocrites of us all…

As I said then, Luis Suarez: what a wally. I don’t think there is a person in the history of the world who has played in a competitive sport that has not sought to gain an advantage over their opponent, whether this be sledging, the nipping of an arm, the pull of hair, the stamp on toes, anything so that in that moment your opposing number loses concentration allowing you that split second advantage.

Personally, I think that this is the base of what was going through his mind rather than wondering if Chiellini tasted of chicken.

None of these actions are acceptable but when you venture orally (behave) into the realms of a bite or a spit this tips from being naughty to weird and disgusting. So we are taught that once is bad (7 games), twice is worse (10 games) and thrice is downright naaaaasty (9 International games and 4 month all football ban although we are not sure what this means). So we are on pretty solid ground here morality wise, yes?

Well actually, no. Back in his claret days Javier Mascherano was the recipient of a quite public munch from Jermain Defoe. As we have discussed this is absolutely wrong and gross and weird and rightly deserves a ban which he go… no wait…  this punishment was refined to a yellow card. So, the FA in their gloriously efficient manner took no further action as the ref saw it! So biting is wrong and rightly so you should be punished severely…  unless a specific man catches you and cautions you… OK.

So this is interesting, in isolation as a society we (rightly) lambast Luis Suarez for his actions and correctly remind him of his position as a role model and idol for millions around the planet, yet as the Uruguayan blinkers are removed as a society, the media and organisations such as FIFA, UEFA and the wonderful FA muddy the morality waters so much that I am surprised the youth of this world aren’t collectively sat in a corner crying, proclaiming they have no idea what is right and what is wrong.

So biting is definitely wrong and nobody should do it as you will always be severely punished… sometimes.   OK, media help me out here. So, the British press rightly (if somewhat OTT Daily Mirror) portray Suarez as a bad man for his actions on one hand, but with the other hand slam Hodgson for not selecting Ashley ‘I shot a man but it was only banter’ Cole and John ‘Life’s biggest tw#t’ Terry.

Towards the end of last season we got to see Premier League living legend Ryan Giggs take the reigns at Old Trafford and were treated to a behind the scenes documentary of it to boot and how wonderful the Welsh wizard is. So all kids watching and learning biting = bad, whereas bonking your brother’s wife behind his and your own wife’s back for 8 years whilst trying to cover it up and pay people off = OK but only because you are good at football. So, sporting and footballing morality matters only on the pitch then, if the ref hasn’t seen it, got that so far?

Violence, as well as biting has no place on the football pitch and the most extreme example of this was Duncan Ferguson who was sent to prison for a headbutt during a game, which of course prevents him being a legend anywhere… !

Any kind of violence seen by the ref is usually greeted with the appropriate punishment, a red card, thus allowing a governing body the opportunity to take matters further as they did with the likes of Ben Thatcher and Joey Barton, as they should have done. So morality set, all violence is wrong, right? Wrong! Violence is bad unless it means England could lose out on a star player at a tournament.

Remember when Wayne Rooney kicked Dzudovic off the ball and out of frustration? Remember when we were told it was a ‘tackle’? He got a red for that, and what did the FA do? Appealed it to get it reduced to allow him to play some part in the group stages of Euro 2012. So kids, DO NOT be violent on a pitch unless you are really, really good and could miss an important match.

It is also important to remember that violence does not pay, I mean have you ever heard of the likes of Roy Keane (career ender on Haaland), Alan Shearer (kicking Neil Lennon in the head), Zinedine Zidane (headbutt on Materazzi) for example? Don’t worry I hear the collective ‘who?’ you are all asking.

Well it is the games bigger powers that can show the path for morality, tell us definitively what is right and what is wrong! Spainish and Russian authorities were fined £16,000 and £24,000 respectively at Euro 2012 for racism! Damn right, racism is abhorrent! Nicklas Bendtner was fined £80,000 and banned for one match for showing his Paddy Power (not an official sponsor) underpants after scoring… yeah, wrong – punish him. Wait so that is seen as 4 times worse than racism? Now I’m getting confused.

Best not mention Dylan Hartley, England Rugby Union 59-cap international then. His naughtiness on the pitch includes bans for eye-gouging, biting, punching and finally verbal abuse, in that order, remember the national outrage? No me neither.

Luis Suarez is a kind of media anti-darling, they love him as he sells papers. So his antics more than anyone else’s will be much more closely scrutinised but lets not pretend it is about morals. Biting is wrong m’kay, doing it 3 times is worrying and the guy needs help not crucifying, but for any organisation to be respected this level of action has to be consistent. Perhaps we will see an end to deliberate elbows, headbutts, disgusting challenges if the 3 strikes rule leads to a global ban, whatever that is. Makes you wonder if in the future clubs will want to release a player on international duty if it results in them being punished though!

So remember kids, there are some things you can not do unless you tick one of the many exemption boxes, so DON’T DO IT unless you can get away with it… that’s the message right?

The only sensible thing to take from this article is my twitter handle @timdibs so come follow me and chat!