Imagining Tom Hicks’s day in court

It was an unseasonably warm October day in London and the Court of Justice was sitting to hear the case regarding the ownership takeover of a northwest football club. The court hushed as the Texan drawl recounted the events which had led him eventually to stand addressing an English courtroom.

“So my good buddy George asked me whether I would come on board and I was only too happy to oblige. Of course, like most people, I did not have the kind of ready money needed lying around, but then again who does? Simple solution, I would borrow the money. So I had a soccer franchise, but I also had a rather large debt. However I saw that the soccer franchise was good for credit, so – hey presto – I was quickly able to transfer the debt onto the club, thus removing any risk from good ol’ George and I.

Okay, the interest payments on the loan would be steep, but we had thought of that. I didn’t get where I am today by not being one step ahead y’know. We could build a super stadium with anti-terrorist bunkers, underground parking and tons and tons of corporate facilities. The additional revenue would service the interest payments and eventually pay the debt and me and Georgy could cream off the profits…

How’s the new stadium? Well, your grace, although we promised to ‘have a spade in the ground within sixty days’. What we really meant was that we would rip up the original plans and get our own firm of architects to re-do them. And y’know, for not much more than £60 million of your British pounds I was able to deliver a whole load of really pretty pictures of a new stadium which look ever so nice an’all.  Added to this we demolished the public sports centre in the local park and replaced it with some lovely grass for the local dog-walkers.

After a couple of years those bully boys at the bank began asking what was going on. They said that the loan was not getting cleared and the debt was increasing. What did they expect?

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