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Give Me a Broken Heart Any Day

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liverweb6s-1-webIt’s all over now, isn’t it? All over for now. Please don’t try to convince me otherwise, because I don’t think I can allow myself to believe you. Right now I don’t care about theory; about Wednesday or Sunday. The idea of tomorrow does not exist. Here and now is everything. The here, the now. Me and the big, black gaping hole where the heart should be. Nothing else.

The image of broken Liverpool players all over the pitch at Selhurst Park is something that will follow us; maybe even haunt us. It probably will. We spend nine months climbing, and then we fall. Such is the nature of the game. We all know it and prepare for it, but it doesn’t make it less painful.

You broke my heart, Fredo.

And this broke mine. Not the draw worse than a defeat; not the shattered dreams of the end of a 24-year wait. I can take that. I can handle it. I have experience, I know how to deal with it. I can wait another 24 years, as long as I know we have a chance; as long as there are more potential heartbreaks. As long as I know Liverpool FC will do their best and continue to give me these unbearably precious moments. As long as they continue to do that thing they do; that thing no other team in the league does. That thing that makes me wish this could go on forever.

No, watching Luis Suarez after the final whistle did. I was fine up until then. I handled it and accepted it with surprising ease. But when the camera found him it struck me right to my core. Pure and heartfelt pain; the honest pain of loss. The pain of a sacrifice and a battle that wasn’t rewarded. Him against everyone who didn’t want him to win. The loss of hope. A man who didn’t want to get up and go again, for the first time since he started walking with us.

I just wanted to hug him. Tell him everything is going to be all right. Thank him. Tell all of them everything will be all right. Thank them. For their sincerity and their bravery; for always going for more when others are content. For nurturing the beauty of the game; for making it more beautiful. For going against common sense. For sticking two fingers at caution. For making me dream. They go again, always – and I hope they never stop. The game needs them. I need them, just the way they are.

It’s the hope that kills you.

No it isn’t. Not for me. It’s the hope that feeds you. Because having hope suggests there is something worth fighting for and something to believe in; tangible, with a hint of rationale that allows the hope to exist and grow stronger.

And I’ll take that any day, because the alternative is apathy. The alternative is having nothing to fight for or believe in, waiting for the moment that allows you to switch off and start looking forward to the next because you can’t bear thinking about this; the here and now. This place you don’t want to be. The alternative is eighth, looking enviously at fourth without thinking you will get there – never mind first. The alternative is always wishing for a better day. We were there, not too long ago. Not an option anymore. Not recommendable.

I’ll rather keep this momentarily broken heart and spend some time fixing it. Preparing it for a day that isn’t tomorrow. Preparing for the day I’m ready again; the day LFC and I do the thing again.

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10 comments

  • Tony k says:

    Can there be one more twist in this premiership?please god no one deserves it more than the redmen for sheer entertainment!sort the back out and league would have been a formality !tk.

  • matt helm says:

    Worry about your own team Steve Harris, go make comments on their blogs and websites. Don’t they don’t have any? Of course they do but you’d rather bask in us losing than in you winning – never changes does it?

  • Tony k says:

    Well said Matty!jealousy ‘s a sad disease!doesn’t recognize a class footballer coz he doesn’t want to!Tk

  • matt helm says:

    Think Steve Harris has gone to find a fan sit for his own team. If he has a problem he can start one of his own but it will be lonely – he’ll be the only one on there!

  • matt helm says:

    meant fan site!

  • Patrick O'Loughlin says:

    i can’t say i believe what i am going to say now, because last night was inexplicable. but crazy as it may sound maybe not finishing first was a good result for us, if we finish 2nd that will be way and above my hopes that i had for this year. right now that is not consoling me, but it makes weird sense, it should have given us an appetite, a hunger for next year. also we can make complaints about our defending, and they would be true for sure, but i have never seen such emotion in a complete team as i did last night, although i was disappointed with sturridge not applauding the fans as he walked off, we stuck together, we cried together, and i for one cursed and swore until i was drinking my whisky and smoking my cigar. as liverpool fans we have enjoyed enormous pleasure watching our great teams through so many years since shanks, and we are on the starting line for another 25 years, no team in the world has had the constant glory, pride and reward that we have had, you don’t train to be a scouser you don’t pick it up along the way, but you have it in your heart from day one, thank god i can say i’m a scouser, and more over i can say i’m a red scouser.

    • Jim Lynch says:

      Couldn’t have said it better myself Patrick. Let’s see what happens tomorrow though!

  • Tony9ja says:

    This write-up is just a trash like lucas,johnson,sakho,aspas& co. I predicted sometime ago that our inabilty to add to our squad in the winter will come to hunt us. B/4 then,it was glaring that we needed a quality dm & a versatile foward to cover up for our shortcomings. Against Palace, we learnt these facts : 1) lucas can’t meet up the pace of epl again & should be sold. 2) johnson & gerrard have past their prime & better be used as squad players next seasnn. 3) sakho is an unreliable defender- as such,we must find a better cb in the summer. 4) BR is still tactically inept- & you can’t win trophies with such managers. 5) coutinho is still an average player -we must look for a quality AM. 6) we need another quality striker.

  • stevie says:

    there would be no broken hearts if we’d played more sensibly against chelsea and palace. there was too much to lose by playing the way we played…..and we’ve lost it. does anyone really expect citeh to slip up against villa or west ham? don’t be daft. we had our chance and threw it away. this opportunity won’t come again next season. chelsea will buy a proper striker, man ure can’t be as bad again and citeh will spend another 700m in the summer and urinate all over ffp. so this was our chance to win it and we screwed up

  • k says:

    the miracle could happen??

    not about a liverpool game.. after over 10 game we win.. we will loose.. i was warning that last 3 month… now.. see.. what happen..

    there are many problems at this stage…

    1. Mental presure about the title..
    2. What happen when jordan henderson not play
    3. lucas are so weak
    4. no warrior spirit at back 4..

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