The recent announcement from the wise old council of football, otherwise known to those who care as FIFA, to ban ‘snoods’ and outlaw the wearing of ‘undergarments not of the team colours’ highlighted not only the shocking indiscipline of player fashion but also the lazy traditionalism of the fat cats at FIFA HQ. The pace, technical ability and intensity of football is increasing season on season, but the rules remain stagnant and outdated. Why the football Illuminati, led by the untouchable, Nobel craving, hunger solving, world saving Sepp Blatter has not acted on the broken rules of football is beyond normal humanoid comprehension. There are many things reprehensible about the structure of football but the last few weeks have highlighted some growing issues. Outrageous commendation of incompetence by refusing to allow retrospective punishment tops the list, followed by player registration regulation and the use of the yellow card as if it were going out of fashion.

Retrospective punishment is something that is so simple a child could understand it. I couldn’t give a hoot if it wasn’t feasible in lower leagues, with all due respect, they’re less important to the gigantic empire that is football under FIFA. Wayne Rooney and Jamie Carragher should both be serving suspensions and justice would have been some way to being done. However, because one man, the referee, missed the incident, the players who committed awful fouls (an elbow and a leg breaker) are then protected by FIFA’s rules. The backward mentality of the decision makers is baffling. But let’s not forget, they have a lot to do, there’s just so much money floating around for them to deal with that we must all take a moment to appreciate how hard they must work to squirrel it away. So now you may understand why they happily hide behind a referee and let him take all the slack despite having little to no help, they’re too busy saving lives, clearly.

For those interested, take a gander at Law 5 from the FIFA Rules, they ask a lot of the referee, and although sometimes refs don’t help themselves, they do not get enough help. By not implementing proper retrospective punishment, they are pouring far too much pressure onto one individual to truly see everything. What problems could arise in having the ability to punish players such as Rooney and Carragher for their misdemeanors after the match? There is no defence against it, the ref could simply say to the player on the pitch: “I didn’t see what happened, but that doesn’t mean you escape punishment”. This flexibility in punishment reduces the pressure on a referee to be all seeing and will be a deterrent to players who think they can go unseen.

In the Champions League on Tuesday night we saw Daniel De Rossi get away with a right hook against a Shakhtar Donetsk player which went unseen by referee supremo Howard Webb. As the referee didn’t see it properly, like he didn’t see the subtle De Jong challenge in the World Cup final, the player is now eligible to be charged for misconduct, by UEFA. Now, this might be a twisted logic but the referee’s inability to see an incident helps justice to be done. Strange.

Secondly, we have the stubborn player registration law. Liverpool fans will be feeling the brunt of it this season with Luis Suarez’ inability to play Europa League football. A performance for Ajax in the competition means the Uruguayan will now be unable to help his new team win a trophy. Why? I don’t think this even merits looking into, ‘why?’ should be enough. Here is an exert from the rule in Section 18.8 of the UEFA regulations: “if the player’s new club is playing in the UEFA Europa League, his former club must not have played in the UEFA Europa League at any point in the current season.” Make of that what you will, while they try and impose fair play financially, they are tightening their grip around the neck of football for the fans. Those fans who have lined Platini and Blatter’s pockets with gold, those fans who prop the industry up as a whole, are now the ones being told to bend over and shut up. A million articles would not be enough to get into the price of games now.

What we need in football is a fluid, quick government, one that has the best interests of the fans at heart and which punishes those who blatantly flout the rules. In a twisted logic, Luis Suarez and the Liverpool fans are being deprived of football and entertainment, while at the same time Rooney and Carragher get away with criminal offenses. The mind boggles thinking of the possible reasons not to listen to the outcries from fans, journalists and players alike. Almost as nonsensical, and another indicator of the growing conspiracy that ‘mad dog’ Gadaffi was responsible for writing the rule book, with help no doubt from Charlie Sheen, is why the yellow card still exists.