Imagining Tom Hicks’s day in court

I had had the expense of £60million for the phantom stadium, as well as the millions each travelling expenses for Georgy and me to flit first class across the pond three times a year, and on top of all that we have had to fund player transfers to the tune of £9.5 million over three years! That’s more than 3 million per year just on new players for gawd’s sake. I won’t even mention the £8million it cost to get rid of that troublesome, irksome Spaniard

To keep the bank quiet we had toput up some cash as security for the loan in our own names, but because we didn’t actually have any money (there is a recession on y’know) we borrowed that too.

This is where the master plan comes together. We secured this new loan (to maintain borrowing against the club) on the company that owns the company that owns the club. Simple.

Yes, I suppose we DID borrow twice against the same asset, but the second loan was security against the first.

Now the bank extension is due for repayment and the bank want their money back. Jeez – don’t they know there’s a recession on.

Now I find that my so-called friends in the boardroom have stabbed me and GG in the back and are selling the club for half it’s worth. This could ruin me.

Anyone in soccer could tell you I have done everything for this club. Ask Harry Redknapp what a good job I have done, he’ll tell ya (when he gets back from his latest Champions League trip).

George? No, sorry George couldn’t be here today as he was unable to afford the air fare. Apparently he has been having a little bother finding his $75m to pay back his loan that he needed to guarantee the six month extension so he seems to have gone a bit quiet lately.

So your honour, I am sure you can see that it would be in the best interests of everybody to block this ludicrous sale and leave everything to me. Any idiot can see that letting the club go insolvent and taking a 9 point hit is for the best all around.  We could sign Snoogy Doogy in January and soon recover those points.”

And with a smirk the Texan took a sip from his beloved LFC coffee mug and sat down to await the judge’s deliberation.

The farce case continues…

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